Mothers against WHAT?

I have finally found the website that really brings home the idea that we as a culture have collectively lost our tiny little mind. I ran across a website that is called "Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up", or MAPSU. My temper has not been good of late, and when I read this trite little piece of nonsense, I could not restrain myself from a bit of righteous indignation. So I wrote a missive. For the learned readers of this intellectual endeavor, I now show you my response:

"It has come to the point in our culture that, when confronted by the boring numbers of problems that we have, we come to be a bunch of people that take on meaningless crusades against that which has no bearing on real life. This website has gone so far as to tell us that 'Peeing standing up destroys families.' I have seen ridiculous claims before this, but I never been to a convention of the hopelessly compulsive before. I have read this website from top to bottom, and the best suggestion I have is to seek some help. Now. Before the alphabetical order of your soup cans becomes so important that you lose perspective.

You make the claim that 'Who cleans the bathrooms in your house? Your mother? Your wife?' There are sexists in the world, and you can happily come to the front of the line. Thank you very much for the idea that my sons should never clean the bathroom because they are males like I am. What are you thinking? Females have the corner on cleanliness? I think not. Try cleaning a public restroom sometime.

There are people in the world dying of diseases of all kinds, tidal waves and earthquakes have taken a huge toll of late. There are heart diseases right here in this country that, along with cancer and diabetes, take thousands of lives. In the perspective of problems that need real solutions in the real world in a real life time frame, this campaign sounds just a tad bit irrelevant, does it not? If I were a creator of something as serious as MADD, I would be outraged by this calamity. There have been others in our history that have had this compulsive disorder. Howard Hughes is probably the most known profile of a "germaphobe", but there are thousands of our people being treated for that that are not nearly as rich. In fact, there is evidently a group of compulsives that clearly believe that the most extreme example of social turmoil is the simple fact that a person's anatomy can somehow suggest natural and effective waste elimination.

Now I am going to suggest a thought that comes from beyond my academic upbringing. I am not a psychologist. I do have some interest in Freud and have done a wee bit of reading, however. Caveat emptor. Is it possible that the menstrual moon has created a sense of combativeness? As one who has cleaned restrooms in the public sector, ( yes, the travails of getting through college can create some interesting possibilities), I would again posit that there are cleanliness issues that can really compete with the idea that the dirtiest creature on the planet is the male. It has to do with how one is brought up and what kinds of habits are instilled in our children. All of them. Both sexes. And, yes, it has everything to do with our anatomy, but I do not see a website that is concentrated on telling women how to best eliminate their own waste by-products.

Maybe I have not read far enough, and that is possible. I am looking for the part where you want to tell us unlearned barbarians how many tissues of paper to use to wipe our asses. Do you fold them? Where do I keep the bottle of disinfectant to spray my fingers every three seconds? Do I need a mask before I enter the bathroom, or is the total body wash enough before and after the whole procedure? You know, one can never be clean enough."

It remains to be seen as to the nature of their response, but if it is half as funny as the website I will post that as well.

Your intrepid reporter - Phelonius