Oh So Appetizing!

There is a restaurant in NY City that is sponsoring an evening dinner for nudists. For those of us with the ability to fantasize, the images that come to mind are of trying to concentrate on your veal cordon bleau while trying not to stare at runway models eating spaghetti and meatballs au naturel. Naked Tom Cruse look-alikes (but since I am totally hetero, the female readers must choose a hunk of choice) eating with naked Sofia Vergara look-alikes at their prime of life sounds really erotic and tasty, doesn't it?

Again, I have to be the bad guy here and emphasize the real need to read the fine print. According to this article:

"'It's exciting to be in a restaurant nude,' said George Keyes, 65, a retired junior high school English teacher."

Huh? 65? You mean that to eat nude there I am in the room with retirement age nudists? Let's take a poll here among the intelligentsia that frequents this Mecca of cerebral power, and ask who among us is wanting to eat, naked, with dear old Aunt Susan? The emphasis of course is on the idea of eating NAKED with dear old Aunt Susan. These nudist types are hard-core in a way that I am not willing to give it a thought. Now, the females rightly ask "why did you choose a female in your example?" OK, I am game, what about eating, NUDE, with Dick Cheney? What does that do for your libido?

The only thing I can conclude is that the whole concept of nudism is not about being erotic. In fact, they would agree. I would go a step forward: the idea of nudism is potentially anti-eroticism. Not only that, I would venture that this whole idea is ANTI-APPETITE. Have you ever got out of the shower and sat down on the bed, gave a quick glance at the mirror and said "Damn! I need to lose a couple of pounds!" If you have not done this, you either have an enormous ego, or you are exactly the type that would not be seen dead eating nude in public. I do not think of myself as an ugly person, but the only way I will be seen nude in a restaurant is after digesting a handful of especially prepared mushrooms. In that case go ahead and call 911, because I am a danger to myself and the general public. There are not enough stair-steppers on the planet that could get me into the kind of shape that I could do that without worrying about what I look like to the others there trying to eat a decent meal. Now take that a step further and imagine trying NOT to look around and see what people look like naked after gravity has taken its toll. How is the old appetite now? Anyone that has gone to a Furr's Cafeteria and has fantasized about what the patrons would look like eating naked needs their damned head examined.

But, they need not be entirely naked. The modern retirement age nudist can also wear earrings, sneakers or shoes of some type, and a " black leather 'genital bracelet' with red studs." Gee, which one my genital bracelets should I use for a formal dinner? Maybe that is for a more casual meal, instead perhaps one of those nice black leather halters would be better for a formal meal. How do you go about deciding something like that? Maybe I do not want to know, but the question of where you even get that sort of thing does arise. Is there an entire section at Dillard's I have somehow missed all these years? But the next event is the "Easter Bonnet" dinner, so all of them must bring an Easter bonnet. Somehow the mental vision of Dick Cheney, nude, eating and wearing an Easter bonnet makes me want to swear off of food for a while.

Clothes are good.