Oh THAT will help

According to FOX News, in a fit of brilliance, the State of California Department of Corrections has determined that smoking is bad for your health. They have banned smoking from prisons.

"'It just helps reduce the risk of secondhand smoking, helps reduce the risk of tobacco illness not just for employees, but for inmates as well,' said Lt. Ken Lewis, spokesman for the California State Prison, Los Angeles County."

While this new insight will make the air clear, there are some small issues that arise, like, say, the black market. It has been long known that cigarettes are currency among inmates, and with a ban on them the value of this currency is going to be massively inflated. The other things banned in prisons like files in chocolate cakes, shovels, crack, pot, sharp objects and getting pounded in the ass by a 450 lbs. bruiser seem to just happen anyway. At what point did they determine that being a prison bitch was good for your overall health? Somehow, I do not think that as someone is getting ass-raped or worse that their first concern is second hand smoke. At any rate, after dropping the soap in the shower now, you have to pay an enormous amount just to have an "afterglow" smoke.

At least they have the satisfaction that cigarettes can now be as expensive as crack:

"'It's real, real expensive, and that's about as far as I can go with that,' said Thomas Hernandez, a prison inmate."

Evidently this was tried in Maine with a 400% increase in prison violence. Duh. Have you ever watched someone quit cold turkey and NOT have a reaction? However, since the ban is only a month old, Lt. Lewis points out that "We have not seen an increase in violence at this prison or throughout the state regarding the smoking ban." That tells me two things. The level of violence is already so great that you can hardly tell the difference and the black market is healthier than it ever was.

In the end, I think we can all rest easier knowing that the hardened criminals released by the parole boards in California have not suffered from second hand smoke.